Things I Enjoy
Things: they are what we do most of the time. Sometimes, things are not going so great. Other times, things are going as smooth as Spider’s Silk™. Occasionally I will find myself entombed by an extremely attractive brand of self-loathing. To combat this (somehow even more attractively), I have been making a list of nice things that I like. Whenever I find myself enjoying an activity or a thought or a large rhubarb pie, I take a second to write down what I am doing. This way, the next time I am consumed by darkness or despair or a murder of crows, I can look at my list and remind myself that there are nice things in the world. I would like to share my list with you, The Readers, because I think we could all benefit from being angry at me for enjoying myself.
- Playing literally any piano.
- Staring into middle-distance. If you are going to stare into a distance, make sure it is middle. I have tried staring into near-distance and long-distance and they are both extremely stressful.
- Imagining that I am doing a slow somersault, but my feet never leave the ground so I just kind of roll into myself like I am my own sleeping bag.
- Realizing that when I was born I was much smaller and, if these trends continue, I will eventually be the biggest thing in the universe.
- Talking to my beautiful buddies.
- Thinking about how there should be more jobs that end with “-naut.”
- Beholding any piece of art that showcases a river or even alludes to one.
- Waiting by a mirror at the furniture store and, when someone looks at the mirror, saying “you should buy this mirror, it has a great person in it.”
- Smiling at a dog and then slowly looking up at the dog’s owner as my smile becomes a look of utter indifference.
- Imagining that the time between inventing gummy technology and deciding to use it to make worms was less than one minute.
- Acknowledging that one day everyone I know will die but it definitely won’t be my fault because it is impossible to get all of them to commit to hanging out.
- Making up a name and then adding “@gmail.com” to it and then sending that person an email saying “I hope this email finds you real.”
- Imagining the spiciest pepper in the world and deciding to never, ever mess with it.
- Thinking about how my parents met.
- Watching the bicycles as they careen towards me. Careen is a nice word. More people should be named Careen.
- Accepting that I will always pronounce it “Sadnay Night Live.”
- Partaking in anything breakfast or dog-related (never at the same time.)
- Counting the different types of streets there can be: lanes, roads, avenues, drives, dirt, etc.
- Looking at my hands until I am sure I can see them making their own decisions.
- Doing flowers.
- Remembering that one high school teacher who really made a difference in my life and wondering if they think about me more than the once every six years I think about them.
- Learning that there are literally hundreds of books just about cooking: how to do it, why we do it, what the stuff we cook is made out of, etc.
- How nicely “me and you” rhymes with “pee and poo.”
- Pronouncing “bath” like how a British person would say it and then taking one.
- Naming the crows that land on my front lawn until I run out of names and switch to numbers and sounds.
- Fucking, NOT GOLF.
- Playing a recording of the sound a basketball makes when it does a “swish” and pantomiming along to it.
- Yelling at my old answering machine for not giving me any answers, literally the one thing it was designed to do.
- Just gigglin’.
- Hockey. What even is it? I am never going to look it up, but imagining what it could be based on things I have heard through the zeitgeist is fun.
- Naming constellations and then looking up their actual names and seeing if I got the same thing and, if I did, giving myself a dollar.
- Planting a tree in my friend Jeremy’s name.
Thank you for reading my list! I hope it inspires you so the next time you enjoy doing something, you will stop and think “wow, that Daniel guy should be on television.”
If you have a list of things that you enjoy and want to share it with me, please, keep it to yourself.